(Should be doing chem…Lalalala….)
Ok, I’ve come to a realization; I am stressed/depressed/angry/upset this year not because my teachers kinda suck and continuously tell us we’re gonna fail and not make it to Uni. And it’s not fully the fault of my not willing to accept a possible fate and generally being way too hopeful for a few somethings to occur than I should ever be (well, if it goes through, you will see an extraordinarily happy Cass. But you’ll have to wait a few years to see if it does).
This whole emotional crap is the fault of one thing: I am too dependent on plans. I planed out all the way to the end of Uni (bad idea, don’t do that). And in the past five months, a big stick (although a rather good stick) was stuck in the spokes of the wheel that was my plan. So now my plan that I depended on is screwed. Yes, I planned to join the Church at some point in there. And then the possibility that my after-uni plans may not happen because I never factored that people make their on choices for themselves. And I don’t even know for certain what I want to do in Uni anymore or if I even want to go to uni at all (which, if I plan that, needs to factor in other people again). Then there’s the whole idea of going on a mission, which I have to factor in other people yet again (according to other plans), not to mention the answers of a great omnipotent One (*hint hint*). So my plan isn’t even a plan anymore.
In fact, I don’t even know if I want a plan anymore, they stress me out too much when they don’t work. And if I don’t have a plan, that could end bad.
Pardon the vague freak out. This is just to remind myself not to make plans for too far ahead.
And I have a mosquito bite on my foot…*ragequit*