My adventure in becoming a [Good] Mormon

ugh

If you had any respect for the choice I’ve made, then you would respect that on Sunday, I wish to have no part in spending money or shopping. You’re free all day today but instead of getting ready, you’re complaining to your friends about how this agreement between God and myself is ‘so stupid’.

I’m sorry you don’t understand. I’m sorry that, to you, these promises and agreements made between me and a not exactly physical being are so odd, ‘stupid’ and inconvenient for you. I’m sorry that when you come in to say goodnight to me when you assume I’m asleep, that I’m still on my knees, even though it’s been fifteen minutes or more after I went to bed.  I know that’s a big inconvenience to you as well. I’m sorry that, even though I need the money, I give 10% to the Church and that frustrates you. I’m sorry that once a month I fast until 6 and that always seems to be the day you cook something really nice. I’m sorry I have spent so much time with my Young Women. But the day I set aside to spend with you is now screwed because you’re complaining you have too much to do, so we can’t go do what I planned. I’m sorry that you don’t understand that my calling means I’ve got to do things outside of Church as well and that being an emotional support is part of it. And when I take on that role but then tell you I have absolutely no idea how to handle it, I’m sorry that stresses you out somehow.

You complain of always being tired. Maybe try what I do. Do all your work then relax on sunday. Because it does work, but you have to be renewed at church also.

And I’m sorry that, the one time I’m upset over something, the one time I feel absolutely crushed for a day, I actually broke down and told you why I was upset. I’m sorry for ‘not doing anything but sitting at the computer all week’ because I was desperately fixing things. I did still do stuff, but you were too busy to see. And you just got mad at me for being emotional and causing you stress.

Maybe you should  think of what you do to me when you get upset over things almost daily.

I’m sick of having to be the one who is, for the most part, emotionally stable. I want to be able to break down once in a while when I’m upset too.

It’s not always only about you and I’d wish you’d realize that. I know you say I think it’s all about me, but once in a while, I would like to be able to be a total sob and be upset and express that, instead of keeping it inside. And I would like to receive some measure of sympathy further than a hug and an annoyed sigh later on.

And I’m sorry for ranting here, but I’d rather do it here than in my journal where I’d re-read it and remember it in the future.

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