My adventure in becoming a [Good] Mormon

Daily thoughts

People say that the bad memories cause the most pain.

But actually it’s the good ones that drive you insane.

 

there’s nothing like a bit of competition to make

you want someone more than you probably should

 

I miss you once again. I was doing so well.

I thought I was getting along, but it comes in

waves. And when I hear your name, when I

see the summer stars. It’s back to that very

night when you slipped away. The pain

lingers on in the back of my mind.

 

The things that I remember best,

those are the things I wasn’t supposed to do and I did them anyway.

the thing is, life is too short to be following these rules.

Nobody understands how much I miss you.

I miss how we used to talk,

and I miss all the things we used to do.

I try not to admit it to myself that I still feel this way.

 

Nobody knows that I still wake up thinking of you each day.

 

I still think of you and I really do miss you.

I would give up everything I have just to be everything we’re not

When you were young, You’d wonder whether your swing could flip over the metal bar at the top, swing you all the way around and throw you to the ground bruised and broken. When you were a kid, You though it could happen, but you weren’t afraid. All grown up; You know it can’t happen, but you’re filled with fear. You swing slower, instead of pumping for the sky. You Don’t jump off, You slow yourself to a stop. You’d never fling yourself into air midswing, because you’re no longer dreaming of flying, You’re just worrying about how you’re going to land…

There were times when he caught me, but more times when he let me fall. And it finally came time for me to learn that I could pick myself up off the ground and walk away.

you’ll keep it on the inside. cause that’s the safest place to hide.

I’m not going to tell the story the way it happened. I’m going to tell it the way I remember

I thought about life, about how we feel lonely, sometimes to the point of tears, but we don’t let those tears come because we are not supposed to cry. Or how we feel a surge of love for a partner but we don’t say anything because we’re frozen with fear of what those words might do.

From the same person’s facebook, as usual and, as usual, some of it doesn’t apply, some does, more than usual I find, and this time, some applies in a different way. Mainly, the way being, what used to be way back when and the remnants of that that still exist.

I seem to be a bit too unoriginal to put uff like this into words like this. But I like how she rights mainly. A modern-ish Leonard Cohen style. Disjointed but with a theme, I find it provokes the thoughts better.

I’m thinking of getting a perm, it’ll make my life a little more hassle-free, that seems to be what I’m looking for lately. If it doesn’t mean a heck of a lot to me anymore, it’s not worth my time. I think that’s because I realized I used up quite a bit of time. Granted, not in a bad way, but that time could have been applied differently to that whole topic.

I find Church is eating up most of my time lately. If I’m not doing something Church related, I sit thinking about it. Even Trek has taken a backseat to it. And I’m happy with that, I want to find the extra bit of time to put into it as often as I can.

That’s kinda why I post so much on here I guess. In a way, it’s Church related, at least to me. You don’t read half the thoughts that run amok in my brain as I write.

Is it good to try to help others work on their problems? What about when your own problems take a backseat to those?

I like to help others with their problems, they’re easier to deal with than most of mine.

I love the feel of my hair when curly and not frizzy.

I think I might be becoming a tad more vain than I used to be. I’m not sure if that’s good or not. I’m thinking good, because before it was the last of my worries, now it actually has a bit of a place.

I hate winter, my feet are always cold, no matter what.

I should have been at the Family History center tonight, not dawdling here on my blog, glancing at chem homework every few minutes, debating how much of an issue I’ll have if I don’t do it.

I really have no desire to be in school anymore. The thought of a mission seems like so much more of a better use of my time.

The internet is fantastic. There are about 3 guys that I know who in real life, we either a)Don’t get along too well b)We aren’t close and therefore, don’t talk much or c)Just never see one another. But on the internet, we can talk, encourage, give advice and get along better than anything. It’s fascinating.

Apparently I give off the impression of a beautiful personality (this according to one of the previously mentioned guys, as well as many others online lately). I find this intriguing because I always had the impression that I’m not very nice, only when I care to be, I’m overly loud, obnoxious, invasive, nosy and angry.

As has been stated, I’m not exactly lady-like. And my desire to be such varies on the day.

I want to fit the quality check list of a lady: ‘kind’, ‘gentle’, ‘intelligent’, ‘quiet’ and other things I can’t describe, but they’re in my head.

But I still want to be able to punch a guy when he sufficiently annoys me. I don’t want others to fight my fights for me (Unless of course, it’s over my honor and done with swords by two guys who are madly in love with me, cause that’s just 1)hot and 2)epic…I told you I’m a hopeless romantic).

Maybe I have a combination of qualities mentioned. I guess that’s good….

Maybe I should just marry Leonard Cohen. Cause he rocks. And he has eyes you could swim in and a voice like dark chocolate, kinda annoying at first but a good aftertaste…Or is it the other way?

Look, my failure of a poetic side is coming out. Herro there!

Sometimes, when I post stuff like this, I give serious consideration to whether or not I’m insane.

Is there any criteria really to be classified as such?

I find it odd when guys obsess over female fictional characters the way I do over Spock or someone like that. I’m sorry for that guys, it just seems weird.

But I don’t find it odd when guys cry…Funny.

In fact, I find it quite intriguing when guys cry around me (if it’s not because they just got canned). I take it as they trust me enough that I won’t judge them if they do it.

Guys, you should cry more, it makes you feel better and gives you a justifiable reason to eat goodies ;D.

During Remembrance day, it was all I could do not to cry during this song. But not because it was Remembrance day. Now, I find I like this song lots. I love songs with chanting type stuff in foreign languages.

http://www.cnn.com/2010/WORLD/europe/11/18/switzerland.cern.antimatter/index.html?hpt=C1

Isn’t that fascinating? And look, they didn’t kill themselves and a crazy murderer didn’t steal them to blow up the Vatican. We’re making progress!

I have too much to do and not enough time. School takes up too much of it.

I want to talk to someone, but not really any of my friends/family. I mean, I do like to talk to them and would like to, but I also want to talk to someone…New.

I want to make a new friend. I think that’ll be my goal this year. 1 new friend.

And not an acquaintance, like, an actual friend, one I go hang out with. Maybe I’ll make one at comic con.

I want to hang out more. Just go over to peoples houses and play video games and eat their food and watch movies and go on adventures.

And I want them to be able to be ok with coming over to my house, even though Mum smokes and is loud and, on occasion, slightly vulgar in her language. I hate not having all my friends over at my place. I would have them over every weekend if they would.

This all comes back to the recurring thing: I want someone to stargaze with.

But I don’t want them to be my best friend, I got one of those already. And a whack-load of adopted sisters.

Can I have 2 best friends?

Naw, dun want 2, too much to do then.

Maybe I’m too specific in my requirements for a new friend.

Why is it while others are hunting down a boyfriend, I’m looking for a new friend in general?

Ah yes, I’m Mormon.

That is good.

By the sounds of it, boyfriends are too stressful right now, even though they seem like they might be a desirable thing to have. I just told someone else that too.

This new soon-to-be-friend of mine should give me lots of hugs also.

And do the planning of adventures. I always plan them.

Or maybe not plan anything, just see where we float off to.

That would be good. Plans seem to cause chaos lately.

That’s probably some big, neon sign I  should listen to and stop trying to plan everything.

I actually should start making plans for the grad after party and photos of the friendsies at wal-mart.

Here we go again…

Actually, all I want to do is sit around a big fire with my friends.

Maybe not, I’ll probably cry.

In fact, I plan to cry lots at grad.

No mascara for me!!

My feet are still cold >.>

I want to go on a road trip again. I really like exploring.

I might go play Halo now, my mind has quieted down.

I only finished my Chem lab today. I’ll do work during spare.

This is like physics last year. But, in chem, I actually have a decent understanding without re-studying everything a million times.

I really want to take dance lessons in this.

Oh neat name! ‘Cato’. I’ma need 800 million children for all the names I like…Or they’ll all have approx. 10 names each :D.

Live long & Prosper!!♥

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