My adventure in becoming a [Good] Mormon

Posts tagged ‘ideas’

Choices….

So, turns out my manager got a degree in prosthetic makeup….Which I’ve wanted to do for a while now. Talking to her, I learned it’s not as hard as I thought to get a job.

Problem is, you gotta go to Vancouver to get a decent degree in it.

So I’m faced with a bit of a dilemma; Stay here,  go to U of C for Archeology/Anthropology, then, relatively feasibly, go on a mission…I’m not even sure once I get into the degree if I’ll like it.

Ooooor…

Go to Vancouver, get a degree in something I know I love and most likely be unable to afford a mission.

Both are kind of hard to get employed in.

Oh and then there’s crazy Cass talking who says U of C first, mission, then Vancouver and get jobs alternating in both. Which is kinda feasible, except financially…I think.

I want to do both degrees, because I like both. But there’s a mission….Why is the age limit for girls so awkwardly placed? D: If I could go on a mission before university, I could do it.

Maybe I’ll talk to Bish-Bish, see if anything can be done about it, short of disguising myself as male for two years XD (‘She’s the man-missionary style’? LOL).

I don’t know what to do now….I thought my five year plan was all sorted, but I just had to get ideas….

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Epicness….

Today, on my way home from work, it was dark and clear, so I laid down in a field to stargaze. A very cool spur-of-the-moment idea from my brain…until I remembered 1)I’m kinda scared of the dark outside 2)I live in the ghetto and this was a field frequented by unruly types, so the likelihood of me getting attacked/raped could be quite high. I dunno, I’m not a statistician. So after about 10 minutes I was scared…..But anywaaaays, I randomly decided to pray while lying in the field. During a bit of a discussion on the lack of physicality of God and how it affects my ability to trust in Him fully a GIGANTIC shooting star came by (keep in mind: I’m in the city, therefore shooting stars=very very rare).

Needless to say, it was freaking epic.

You should all go lay outside randomly, stargaze and pray ;). You might not see a shooting star, but I find the stars alone kinda put God into a better perspective (ie. Huge and awesome!).

Anyways, I’m currently being run over repeatedly by music that is good but makes me nostalgic. It’s nice & painful >.>

This song has come to remind me of a few people, mainly my brother and youngest older sister, as well as a couple friends.

I think all my siblings should get divorced, abandon their kids and move back home. Cause I miss them…And want to steal their cool nic-nacs out of their rooms again *schemy hands*.

I was such a brat LOL.

Ok, no memories attached, just more epicness:

WWCPD?:D

I just watched ‘Never been kissed’…Very amusing. It’s about an undercover reporter who goes undercover to do a story on high school life. Veeery funny. But, after almost finishing high school, I have to say, it’s not very accurate.

Live long & Prosper!♥

Better now…I think.

Right, so I’m deciding I’m never missing church again, except for the MS walk. It just buggers up my whole week.

But the cure to that was Young Women’s :D.

I’ve posted this before but it’s what we watched:http://new.lds.org/general-conference/2010/04/your-happily-ever-after?lang=eng

I love how everything in my life concerning things like this just came full circle. Well, I don’t love the fact that it did. But I love how I can trace it, very neat, albeit slightly upsetting. But Uchtdorf made it all ok now. He just reaffirmed what Elder Lewis wrote in the front of my Book of Mormon and it’s all gonna be k, no matter the outcome.

I just realized the circle can actually be traced all the way back to my baptism. Without my conversion, this week would not have turned out to be this alright. Have you ever read your horoscope, gone through the day, then re-read it and thought to yourself that your day did sort of resemble that?

That’s how I feel. But in a much bigger scope than just a day.

Only bad part of today:My irritation with people has been re-affirmed. Granted, the one comment made wasn’t intended as insulting, but it was adding salt to the wound. And people in general just frustrate me today. Can’t make up their minds.

I’ma go draw…Or read…Or play xbox or nintendo, who knows. Is a long weekend and I am mostly free of worries and free to do what I please. Cause it’ll all be ok in the end. Can’t have the happily ever after without the adventures. And I keep saying I want to go on an adventure ;D.

Maybe I’ll write more of my cyberpunk story…Oooh!

Live long & Prosper!!♥

More thoughts

“To forget somebody isn’t possible. Deep inside, you remember everything. You may not think of them for years at a time, but you don’t know how to forget. You can recall the way they smiled when they were happy and the way their face showed no expression when they couldn’t find their way.

I’ll screw up. I’ll push you away if we’re getting too close. I won’t trust you until you’ve proven yourself. I get hurt easily and take a lot of things personally. But I’ll love you with everything I have, and if that isn’t enough, then I’m not enough.

 

You cannot hold onto anything that wants to go. Do you understand what I’m saying? You just got to love it while you got it, and that’s that.

She shivered and looked away when she saw you. All the memories were racing back and she just couldn’t deal with that pain all over again. She knew you were looking at her though, but she just couldn’t look at you. You, with your beautiful eyes, gorgeous hair, amazing arms for hugging and those lips that gave the best kisses ever, she couldn’t possibly look at you without breaking.

Dan: knowing someone so well, you think it’s going to be easier but in a lot of ways it just makes it harder. Maybe ignorance really is bliss.

Serena: is that why it was so easy with us?

Dan: you mean because we were strangers? Yeah, sure. Everything was a discovery; this unknown person who could do or think anything.

It does not do too dwell on dreams and forget to live.

I think you need to just apologize to everyone and be honest to yourself. it’s the best option you have for yourself. maybe you just need a new start.

You don’t love someone because they’re perfect, you love them in spite of the fact that they’re not.

There are so many things I want to say to you, but time’s caught me up and now I’ll never say them; except that i loved you from the moment i saw you and every moment since.

With friendship it doesn’t matter how long you’ve known each other. Or how many fights you got into. What matters is who said “I’ll be there for you” and proved it.

It was so risky and so scary, and yet at the same time, so beautiful. maybe the truth was, it shouldn’t be easy to be amazing. then everything would be. It’s the things you fight for and struggle with before earning that have the greatest worth. when something’s difficult to come by, you’ll do that much more to make sure it’s even harder, if possible, to lose.

You know, there are some guys.. some guys who’ll take a mile when you give them an inch. And then there are the guys who you give 10 billion acres, and they don’t move a muscle.

Sometimes you gotta quit thinking so much. If it feels right, it probably is. So just go with it.

You can’t go back to how things were. How you thought they were. All you really have is…now.

Things change. Stuff happens. Life goes on.”

Stupid don’t-know-if-I-should-be-happy-or-sad-song came on as I was reading this:

Stolen from the same friend’s facebook. I italicized what really means something to me. The rest is just fluff. The first italicized part I really found applicable to myself. The second to last: I’m not quite out of time yet, but I feel it may be approaching. The one about holding onto something that wants to go: I don’t know if it’s going yet, but I’m holding onto it for dear life, no matter what, until  there is no other option but to let go.

Anyways….There’s the little dip into my mind. I’ve also taken up poetry, seeing as I figured out how to write with some sense of metre. I would love to write like Leonard Cohen, it’s one of those crazy dreams I’m fond of. Maybe I’ll post it, maybe not. I’m feeling to fluctuatingly today to decide anything except what I’m making for dindins. Which shall be derricious. Steamed veggies w/ cheese sauce, chicken strips and something else. Probably a butter bun ^_^.

Live long & Prosper!!♥

*has idea*

But first, normally, I dislike all those email prayer spam things. But I got this one today and it made me smile:

May today there be peace within.
May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be.
May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.
May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that
has been given to you.
May you be content knowing you are a child of God.
Let this presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to
sing, dance, praise and love.
It is there for each and every one of us.

The main bit I like is “May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.”

I had a funny thing happen today. I opened up my sandwich and was just about to eat it when the thought hit me: ‘This is Sacrament bread’. The bread was the same as what was used last week in Church and I noticed this because it smelled identical. It made me laugh.

Anyways, my idea: This is more a reminder for myself and it’ll be secretive because he reads my blog occasionally.  It’s a Christmas present idea for a forgetful friend. I need a notebook to make it and I need to recover all the memories I can from years past. FUTURE CASS DUN FORGET THE AWESOME IDEA!!!!

Thoughts on music

I’ve determined almost all of my favourite music reminds me of specific people…This could be hazardous because if anything goes wrong between us, I won’t be able to listen to some stuff without becoming upset. Heck, I can hardly listen to Coldplay because it brings back such amazing memories from not so long ago. But no memories have been made to compare with the previous ones, so it always leaves me feeling mildly nostalgic, which means I get a tight feeling in my chest, meaning I have issues breathing and emotional kerfluffle ensues. Good songs verses dredging up bittersweet memories?

I believe I’m rather masochistic when it comes to things like that.

I find it intriguing how such a simple thing as a song can have so many attachments and be intertwined with so many memories. It’s very illogical.

Possibly, this one has no memories attached…Yet…

On the whole ‘Spiritual Vulnerability’ topic: I’m on my way to building my defenses in that area. I figure if I can write the scripture journal required for the ‘Great Canadian Challenge’ in Seminary with all the stuff I would normally put in my journal and have my teacher read it, then I’ll be headed down the path to openness, which is good.

I just figured out how to work the MP3 on my phone…Musics ahoy!!:D

Live long & Prosper!!♥

Thoughts on spiritual vulnerability

Generally, these are the type of posts where a)I feel completely random and have thoughts moshing about in my brain or b)I have the desire to emulate Leonard Cohen or Yoda in an odd way. I have posted 3 posts such as this but I deleted them all because this is the type of oddity that fills my journal and I feel it makes me almost as vulnerable as expressing what I am actually thinking in Church/Seminary/While reading scriptures, etc.

Let’s start there: vulnerability for me is actually a very odd-in-my-view but most-likely-normal-to-the-masses topic. I like to think that that I have, over the years, gone from the sensitive little Cass I was in elementary to a figurative Helm’s Deep. However, I’ve found the place where the orcs can stick the gunpowder: my spiritual ideas/thoughts. I was thinking about this during Seminary. I don’t like to openly say what I believe or my ideas on a topic within my religion. In fact, I’m slightly scared of it. Mainly because I’m worried someone will say something against what I think, I’ll feel stupid and I’ll begin to slowly lose my faith. This has happened with other things before but the ironic part is, I know it’ll never happen where my religion is concerned. Yet I’m still scared.

I guess it’s like bungee jumping in a way.

I’ll elaborate; the rope…Or in this case, my faith, will keep me safe. But it’s still terrifying. But add some crocodiles (AKA people who will shoot holes through some things, or at least try to) and now I really don’t want to jump.

We already know I don’t like to share my testimony, but apparently, according to ‘Preach my Gospel’ and some scripture from Doctrine & Covenants, I’m being selfish. Which, with further thinking, I have to say I agree with. Hearing testimonies is one of the many things that 1)helps build my faith and 2) provokes my thinking on topics. The idea of helping others do this is wonderful…But I am a selfish Cass and scared to share.

My mom is now listening to an asian TV station, very amusing.

I want bubble tea.

I found this great D&C scripture today that’s related to this…Hang on…

Haha, that’s really ironic. I found this scripture before I had the question, then had the question and re-stumbled upon it when I needed it :D.

Oh my gosh, facebook ads reading my mind=happy Cass. http://www.livingscriptures.com/

Anyways: 11:21 “Seek not to adeclare my word, but first seek to bobtain my cword, and then shall your tongue be loosed; then, if you desire, you shall have my dSpirit and my word, yea, the power of God unto the econvincing of men.”

Which, for an impatient Cass, is a relatively annoying, but good answer nonetheless. I want to speak now. But I don’t know what to say, or how to, or if I’m right doctrine-wise. And what if I’m up at the pulpit then I say I believe something, thinking it’s doctrine, but my interpretation was skewed and then BAM! The Bishop tackles me or uses an ex-communication ray on me or something because I’m believing false doctrine.

Yes, that’s illogical to think, but I’m still scared of it.

Here’s another good bit, same chapter, verses 15-17:

“Behold, I command you that you need not suppose that you are acalled to bpreach cuntil you are called.

Wait a little longer, until you shall have my word, my arock, my bchurch, and my gospel, that you may know of a surety my doctrine

And then, behold, according to your desires, yea, even according to your afaith shall it be done unto you.”

So I dunno. I’m sure I’ll get to a point where I can speak openly and be sure of what I’m saying. But I’m just impatient :P.

Now I really need to go to bed.

Live long & Prosper!!♥

Edit:Cute quote again: I love you from the bottom of my butt, because it’s bigger than my heart!