My adventure in becoming a [Good] Mormon

Posts tagged ‘thirty day challenge’

To you who caused me the most pain

Day 9 will momentarily be completed, but you won’t get to read it…Meh, maybe you will some day, but it is unlikely. Sorry, but it would be just a tad too personal.

Day 10- There is no one. All those I wished to talk to, I did.

Day 11- I don’t know any deceased people that I remember enough to want to speak with. I’ve only ever gone to three funerals and of all those, I was not close to any of the deceased. In fact, I barely knew any of them.

It took a lot of thinking to decide who to address for day 12. It also took a lot of deciding as to whether or not I’d privatize that too. Outside of my family, I’ve only ever told one person of this and, oddly enough, I only said it for marks and to be able to add another page onto my biography. It’s probably best I just get it all out with anyways, this project really seems to help me feel more relieved over everything;

Firstly, I didn’t hate you, I hated your condition. You were a fantastic person, on your good days.

Did you even know what you were doing? And why me? There were three others there. Not that I wished that on anyone else, but why choose me to be the receiver of that?

I don’t think you even know the repercussions of your actions.  Do you know how I got through your daily two plus hour sprees of screaming at me? I stared at one spot until I got dizzy and felt like I was going to pass out. And at that point, I was pretty much begging to be able to do so. Because then I wouldn’t have to listen to you. But, little did I know, because I did that, now every time someone raises their voice at me, I get unintentionally dizzy, no matter what. It’s like some fail of a self defense response. Thanks.

Do you remember always getting mad at me the next day after Tag would pick me up for telling him how my day was? Because that was always your reason for sitting me down to start screaming at me. I told my family how my day was and what I did. And you couldn’t stand the fact that I actually had something of a family to go home to at night. No wonder your kids wouldn’t talk to you. I can only imagine what they went through.

Maybe your occasional niceness was just some lame facade, because no one would believe me when I told them. I was told to stop complaining, that I was lucky that we finally found one who ‘wasn’t crazy’.

And no one would believe me that you were the craziest of them all.

You tried and failed miserably to break up everything good in my life. You tried to cut me off from my best friend and family. You’re unbelievable.

You’re very lucky my brother moved to Edmonton before the truth came out.

Maybe your desire for secrecy was because you were the biggest pot-head I’v ever seen. You are so amazingly irresponsible. You let me be around that.

Maybe it’s not just your condition I hate.

Day 1 — Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

To my internet friends

Skipping 7 because I don’t have an ex.

I don’t really have a friend that I only talk to via internet. I have a few friends I talk to mainly online, then occasionally in real life. Like Gurmeet, Cody, Damion, Bruce and Mark (well…Kind of XD). So to you guys (I’m sure you’ll be able to pick out the bits for each of you);

Thanks for encouraging me to not be down when I am and for encouraging my optimism when it’s not working. I hope everything works out for you, you’re a really nice guy and you don’t deserve whatever crap that is/was going on. You seem to be the first to sense if I’m having a bad day (when I see you at school that is) and because you ask how I am, and really mean it, it makes my day better.

You have great taste in music. You helped me remember quite a few artists/groups that I haven’t listened to in ages. Thanks :).

You also have good taste in music. You’re the only person near my age on my friends list who’s actually liked anything of Leonard Cohen’s that I post. That gives me hope that our generation isn’t completely screwed over, in a musical sense. I enjoy our random comment-conversations. However, when your nails are painted, it kind of scares me. I’m not sure why. Maybe because whenever I see guys with painted nails, it reminds me of ‘Silence of the Lambs’ XD. No offense. Do you remember when you added me last year, even though we didn’t know each other? When I realized who you were after you re-added me this year, it was funny. I guess you’re the only one who originally started as an online-only friend XD.

I hope it all works out for you. Just give it time. And don’t give up on anything, even if it seems difficult. Just keep working at all the things you’re having problems with right now and it’ll get better! I miss our days in elementary, when everything was easier. We’ll have to hang out sometime, I miss you.

You’re one of the reasons I want to eventually get a degree in Theology. Thanks for being smart, I enjoy talking to you! And thanks for showing up to my baptism, it provided quite a bit of entertainment afterwards because, as I heard it, a lot of people either thought you were scary and/or dangerous because you came on a motorbike and wore leathers or they thought you were my dad (or both LOL). Very amusing, but thanks for being there. Every time it’s Robbie Burns day, I think of you and when you brought my mom and I to that celebration. That was cool.

Day 1 — Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

To an unknown individual…

I’m not good at making conversation with people I don’t know…Especially on my own. So hi, I’m Cass. I have no idea who you are, or where you are, what you look like or how you speak. I don’t know how you like your eggs, or if you wear your socks in your house. I don’t. And I like them scrambled, if you were wondering, with garlic powder. I don’t know what you like, maybe you like green eggs and ham, Sam I Am, or what you dislike. Perhaps you are irritated by people who talk with their mouth full or you get nervous when you’re in a crowded area and too many people are dressed in purple for your liking. Perhaps purple gives you a headache, which is odd, it’s supposed to be calming.

I don’t know where you’re coming from, or where you’re going. Or why you’re going. Why are you going, stranger? Is it a drive to succeed for your own personal gain? To make the world a better place? Honor and prestige? Or, making a jump to a conclusion here, you were ignored as a child, so subconsciously, you’re trying to impress the father figures in your life because your own father was not as present as he should have been? Maybe I do that too? Probably, according to the little I know about Freudian psychology…Or is it Jungian?  See? One similarity already. We’re on a role.

Maybe you should just sit back, dear stranger, stop trying so hard to please everyone else. Do what pleases you instead, or do things worthwhile. Like play with your kids. Don’t have them? Go make some. The world has an abundance of materials for making those, I’m sure if you take a walk down the street, you’ll find the needed tools. Go up and say ‘Hey, I’d like to have kids, would you assist me?’ I wonder how that’ll go. Let me know ok? Find me on facebook and send me pictures of your happy family, i’m sure they’ll be beautiful.

I am assuming you’re male for some odd reason. Taller, with dark-ish eyes, rather odd looking, no offense, the type that works in some sort of office. With cubicles. Really, no offense. And as you read this, you have an awkward smile on your face, thinking this is a waste of time, or it’s just down-right weird. But it’s amusing too. Like those forwarded emails my mom always sends in abundance. Just throw this momentary amusement out when you’re done, like forwarded emails…Actually, know recycle it. I care about the environment, you should too.

Haha, my hopeless romantic side just reminded me of how similar this is to ‘The Lake House’. Ever seen it? Go watch it, it’s ok for guys to watch chick flicks too, you know.

Well, what a delightful one sided conversation eh? I’m glad you enjoyed yourself, you did, I know it. I have to go to bed now, my future hangs by a thread that is dependent on the outcome of tomorrow between 9 and 11:30 am.

So long, stranger.

This is a fantastic idea, perhaps I will give this to a random person on the street one day.

Day 1 — Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

Dearest dreams

What dreams are referred to? Dreams of the future or the maniac ones that haunt me at night? Meh.

Scuba bear: leave my sister alone, and stop rotting the meat. Your John Deere hat is unwanted.

I held your hand while you slept. And you wore an odd blue jumpsuit. I was planning on making you breakfast. Until I had to go pee. Then you left, why? Is there a problem with my pancakes? You smell great, by the way.

You wish I was like that.

Thanks for sitting with me during the genocide. It’s alright, better me than you. And besides, if I volunteer, they’re unlikely to harm anyone else. I’ve got some sway with them because I volunteered, I’ll make sure your family is safe. Do you think I broke the Covenant made, even though it was to save countless others? They don’t let me pray anymore, they watch for everything indicative of it, so I don’t know anymore. We’ll find out soon enough. I don’t have an issue going in your stead, to be honest, it’s probably the easier way out, I’m unsure. I hope I let you take the path of least suffering.

Thinking about that means I wake up crying. I hate that. But you’ve got to do it, and you will. Which is fantastic.

Secretly, I’m still waiting for your phone call for me to come get you. Highly, highly, highly illogical, but I can’t seem to forget what, I think, was left unsaid, if it was there at all. Maybe you’re just awkward like that and it was nothing. Maybe I got too attached too easily. When going through that phase, you were the first one I used to replace my regular 11:11 wish with. And then I did get a call…Which was nice. But it was off the hoped-for topic. And then, funny, at 11:11 tonight, I spotted you. Have a happy life, I hope you enjoyed the brownies and pardoned my home, I tried my best but its true nature kept sneaking in. I’m too shy to talk to you now for some reason, maybe it is the unsaid. We’re back at square one. Don’t ask questions, just keep talking and I’ll listen. And now you’re gone again.

The gray aliens still terrify me.

Day 1 — Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

A letter to my brother

Well, I have 3 siblings and I’m close to all of them, but I’ve been closest to my brother for the longest, since he lived at home for most of my childhood.

Tag,

You are the greatest big brother I could ever ask for. No one could ever replace you. Your determination to get things done (well, things YOU really want to get done) and get through the hard times is inspiring to me. You know that song ‘I get knocked down I get up again’ that we always listened to when I was younger? That’s you. No matter what, you always get back up, even during the times that I’m not so sure I’d get back up if I were you, you do it.

Even though you make me cry sometimes because you’re a big jerk when you want to be, you always make me laugh to make up for it, even if it means grabbing me in a big bear hug and squashing me. Many of my favourite memories are the ones I have with you. One of the best summers I ever had was spending two weeks in Edmonton going fishing with you every day. I never caught anything, but it was fun trying to 4X4 through that swampy stuff in the van and getting lost multiple times on our way to different spots.

I hate that you moved to Edmonton in the first place and now moved back there again. I miss going downstairs and sitting in my original spot behind your legs to watch WWF and eat Chicago deep dish and play twisted metal on the play-station, or cheer for the packers on NFL. I miss playing cars with you and driving R/C trucks and having you read me Harry Potter before I went to bed and drinking slurpees that were practically as big as me.

I love that I never hesitate to tell you anything and that, when giving advice, you usually give the most unbiased advice. I wish I could help you with stuff like you help me.

By the way, when you get married again, I’m invoking little sister rights. You’re moving back to Calgary, no if’s, and’s or but’s ;D.

I wish you could have come down for Christmas, it just wasn’t the same. And I wish you were here to give me a hug, because I really, really miss you right now.

Love you lots, you big baseball-face-watermelon-butt

Cass ♥

Day 1 — Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

letter to my future significant other

I’m changing day 2’s requirement up a bit, because I don’t have what I define as a ‘crush’. I have a passing fancy, which consists of nothing more than ogling, who I don’t even know and therefore, can’t communicate with. I haven’t had a crush in a veeeeery long time. So instead, I’m going to write a letter to my future boyfriend/husband/significant other.

*insert future significant other’s name here*

Why the frak were you so hard to find?!

Love, Cass

Day 1 — Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

Letter challenges-To my bestie(s)

I think I may have to write a few of these, so let’s begin:

Chico;

I am, for once, at a loss as to what to write you. This surprises me, because normally, if you’re not around, I’m considering if you would find something funny/interesting and if I should tell you about it when I see you next. To be honest, you pretty much know everything I’ve got to tell you. And I guess I like that we’re that honest with one another (well, I’m at least that honest with you. I suspect you still gots lots of secrets! ;D).

I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to stop feeling like I need to say this; but thanks for everything. I’m pretty sure you know what I mean, but I seriously mean everything.  You are a wonderful person, even if sometimes I smack you for being a jerk, and I think because of that, I’ve become kind of blinded to the fact that not everyone is as good, morally anyways. Which is ok I suppose, because it just demonstrates how lucky I am to be friends with you (I can see your ego skyrocketing :P) You are one of the greatest besties I’ve ever had and our friendship means the world to me. (hahaha, the one song that reminds me of you just came on my playlist LOL)

Loveyoulongtime!!!

Whale;

I love that we can be completely stupid with one another and not worry about what everyone else thinks. You’ve helped me become comfortable with being myself and you’ve taught me lots (ie; makeups! :P). I enjoy talking to you about everything, even when we dip into the Russian accents. And I love hanging out with you everywhere. And even though I am completely n00b in the area, I like to try to help you with boy problems, it makes me feel useful XD. Thanks for being there through everything that’s gone on lately and not being scared of the consequences enough to tell me to get over it and man up. Your advice means a lot to me. You are beautiful, amazing, funny and I love you. You’re like my sister. ♥

 

Asian Noodle;

You are super cool. I love everything about you and you’re so funny. Out of everyone I’ve ever known, I have never been the least bit annoyed with you, ever. Which is refreshing. You always make me smile and cheer me up when my day has been crap, with your fantastic sense of sarcastic and witty humor. I will miss you terribly when you go to Edmonton, but when we see each other; oh the parties we’ll have!!

You have impeccable taste in music and have helped me find awesome bands, thanks!! And your sense of fashion is great. I know that if you say it looks good, it does. Thanks for secretly being my own, personal fashion…person…XD

Love you!

Nanc;

D:, I don’t have a nickname for you!!!

I know we haven’t been super-duper close, but I still remember meeting you in french class in grade 7!!

Even though the other friendsies always help me out with stuff, you bring a more spiritual perspective to everything, which I really appreciate. I find I can talk to you about God more than anyone else and feel comfortable doing it. You are my sistah!!! Even though I bug you often, I think you’re fantastic and super cute ^^.

And don’t make me tell you again: YOU ARE NOT FAT! YOU ARE BEAAAAUTIFUUUUUL!♥

Day 1 — Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror