My adventure in becoming a [Good] Mormon

Posts tagged ‘thoughts’

You believe in Him, but do you believe Him?

Listening to some speaker named Hank on the drive to the Temple and he posed this question. Which made me think the rest of the ride.

Trusting God with everything is a big issue for me. And I kinda re-evaluated this during the trip, especially when I got home.

And I realized;  no matter what, you really need to trust Him. Even though it may seem like the worst choice, if He says it’s gotta be that way, then it does. His will is always right and will bring about the best.

Lately, it seems emotional issues are attacking me from every direction. And just when I think it’s ok, I get only a few hours before the next wave hits.

So I guess that’s why I found myself face-down on my floor. Which can be quite comfy actually, but that’s beside the point. And then, ‘Hank’ ‘s words came back to me.

Do I believe Him?

Hank said something else. God wants to make our hopes and dreams come true, but if we don’t believe Him, how can He?

So God wants me to be happy. And if I want to be that way, I gotta let  God lead me there and I gotta believe that He’s leading me there.

I guess my floor may have my face imprinted on it soon, because I’ve come to realize;  a LOT of big decisions need to be made and soon.

And I’ve gotta believe that God wants that for me too and will make it happen.

Here’s to hoping I can learn fast.

The mouse is out of the pool

In case you may be reading this and have heard and are concerned about recent happenings: don’t worry. It’ll all be sorted out soon, I’m at my sisters and I’ve talked to the Bishop. It’ll take some working out, but it’s ok, God’s undoubtedly got a plan for it all.

Love you all ♥

Let your lantern guide you

“Faith means living with uncertainty-feeling your way through life, letting your heart guide you like a lantern in the dark.” -Dan Millman

And personally, I think that’s best. Not speaking from a religious point of view, but I think it’s just a generally good way to enjoy life. Not knowing or trying to predict every future aspect to come makes it all the more exciting. Ever done that while hiking? It makes for the most intriguing (if, occasionally messy) adventures.

You may have noticed by the tone of my posts, maybe not. But lately, I’m attempting to just let go and happily wander about for once. I’m doing good so far, I’ve had to restart many, many times.

Choices….

So, turns out my manager got a degree in prosthetic makeup….Which I’ve wanted to do for a while now. Talking to her, I learned it’s not as hard as I thought to get a job.

Problem is, you gotta go to Vancouver to get a decent degree in it.

So I’m faced with a bit of a dilemma; Stay here,  go to U of C for Archeology/Anthropology, then, relatively feasibly, go on a mission…I’m not even sure once I get into the degree if I’ll like it.

Ooooor…

Go to Vancouver, get a degree in something I know I love and most likely be unable to afford a mission.

Both are kind of hard to get employed in.

Oh and then there’s crazy Cass talking who says U of C first, mission, then Vancouver and get jobs alternating in both. Which is kinda feasible, except financially…I think.

I want to do both degrees, because I like both. But there’s a mission….Why is the age limit for girls so awkwardly placed? D: If I could go on a mission before university, I could do it.

Maybe I’ll talk to Bish-Bish, see if anything can be done about it, short of disguising myself as male for two years XD (‘She’s the man-missionary style’? LOL).

I don’t know what to do now….I thought my five year plan was all sorted, but I just had to get ideas….

Exceptionally satisfying…

No, it’s not chocolate (which I’m currently munching on, so I know ;D LOL).

I just found something that is really mentally and spiritually satisfying. Flat out telling people ‘No, I’m not doing that. It’s against everything I believe in and stand for, so I will not do it’. Granted, I didn’t have a strong relationship with the person who I said it to, but it was nice to say that and afterwards, I felt glad I had the courage to do it and not fear the consequences.

But I was thinking afterwards, you know, whenever faced with situations like this, most people (myself included, except this time it seems) are afraid to do this, because they’re afraid of offending people. Which is good, on one hand, it’s important to be sensitive to others, but in the long run, it’s not that great at all, because people come and go from our lives, but God does not. And if you lose one person from your life because they don’t accept your beliefs, there are 6 billion+ others out there that you could have in your life instead, but there is only one God (Yeah, that’s my wisdom-y thought for the day XD).  It’s like what…I think it was Bishop Grunewald (?) at YW’s last week that said ‘Many of us try to please God without offending Satan and that just isn’t feasible’. And he’s right, you just can’t do it.

So, I think, instead of constantly brooding on how we offended people by staying true to our morals, we should be proud that we had the ability to stand up and stay true to what we believe in and think of how proud God is of us for doing it, not worrying about who just got angry with us because we won’t go along with them. And besides, if our friends truly are our friends, they’ll respect and understand our decision…Or (even better) would not have asked us at all.

Anyways, I’m supposed to be writing scholarship essays XD.

Just being…whatever word that is when you think about things to in depth

Why would any God really demand human sacrifice? One could assume death is something regularly witnessed by any interpretation of God, because people are always dying and God is viewed as existing (as in, like, fully visible existence. It’s the habitat of God, I guess you could say) after death. Yet humans are fascinated by death, because, while they see the initial bit of death, they are so unsure of what comes after.  But it probably isn’t so worrisome to a God. It’s like life for humans. The initial birth is a bit of a hubbub, but no one’s like ‘I wonder what takes place after birth?’ Well, they are, but you get an answer quicker than wondering about the after-life.

I totally lost my train of thought. In short: human sacrifice is only for the perverse pleasure of humans, in my opinion. To a God figure, it’s just one more soul in the spirit world to deal with, not something appeasing.

Then again, heck if I know.

50 random things

Saw it on youtube. You record 50 random things/people/whatever, why they are important in your life/how they changed you. I am lacking 1) The courage to show myself on youtube and 2)a decent camera. So it’s going here:

1) 

This song. Cause it gets me through a lot and often. My bestie sent it to me one day when I was having an absolutely crap day (Yeah Corey,  smack me for saying ‘crap’ when you see me next) and I just broke down and bawled for a good 10 minutes or so. Since then, I can’t listen to it without getting a little misty eyed or whatever you call it

2) My bestie himself. And my other close friends. I love them all so much and they make my life amazing.

3) Scriptures

4) Stickie tabs/highlighters. They make my scriptures colorful and help me when I need an insta-inspire. It’s like…insta-coffee, but better.

5)My hometeachers. They’re coming over in 45 minutes and I’m excited. I love them both very much, they’re like grandpa-uncle-brother combinations all in one

6)Matisyahu. For days when I feel like both listening to spiritually uplifting music and dancing

7) My church family. I keep adding more into it. It’s big. I love them all. I wish I saw them daily. Cause I really like hugs.

8) My Bishop. He is one cool dude.

9) ORANGES! OH MY GURSH I’M ADDICTED TO THEM!

10) Juice. Specifically; apple juice.

11) My young women. They are all so inspiring to me. Although I almost ban-hammered one for saying she had a ‘crush’ (*in my head* ‘WHAAAAT?! YOU’RE 12!!! NO CRUSHES ALLOWED! YOU’RE TOO LITTLE AND CUTE! HAVE I MET HIM YET? NOT ALLOWED IF I DON’T APPROVE!’ Apparently, i would be a crazed and over-protective big sister. By the way Corey, please beat your younger sister out of this idea of a ‘crush’…But don’t tell your mom about it, for Cami’s sake XD.)

12) my mom. Cause, despite our battles on a rollercoaster, she’s superwoman. Which is cool.

13) bubble tea…Oh my nomnomnom. God must take the form of bobba, but uber bobba, cause He’s so amazing….He shall be called…Bo-Go.

14) My journal and all that is stuffed  into it

15) Pres. Uchtdorf…Well, all of the first presidency. But especially him. His talks always  make everything better

16) Optimism. Illogical, but it makes everything better.

17) Three piece suits. Guys+three piece suits=amazingly good looking. I mean, you can look good without a 3 piece suit, but in one it’s like ‘oh herro there!’ (which is literally my reaction)

18) Star Trek. Thinking it over, it was kinda a prep class for being Mormon. Besides that, it gives me something to dream about and lets my imagination run wild

19) tacos…mmmmmm

20) my family. They may be a bunch of loons, but I’m somehow related to them

21) Guys who are nice. I’m privileged to know quite a few. There’s just something different from when one of my best girl friends says ‘Cass, you are amazing, don’t worry about it. You’re a beautiful person *insert more inspiration*’ and one of my guy friends saying it. But, WHY YOU GUYS ONLY NICE ON FACEBOOK?! I have a lot of friendships that are completely awkward in real life, but online, they’re fine. Very odd.

22) Stories about peoples lives. Brother Hatch just told me a fascinating story about his mission to Memphis, the gangs there and how his mother was in training to be a hitwoman. I love stories. I could read biographies endlessly.

23)sleep. I’m lacking it

24) clean room. I’m lacking that too

25) seminary. I’m skipping tomorrow. I’ll go wednesday I think. Unless I can squash madcat enough to wake up on tuesday >:D. But it means a lot to me. Even if I don’t participate fully and be as insightful as I usually am.

26) Purple….I like purple, deep, rich purple

27) Dresses, skirts and pretty shirts. I love dressing fancy…OMG!!!FOR GRAD, I WANT ELBOW LENGTH BLACK GLOVES!!!…Wait, that might not go well with my little jacket-for-modesty thing…Unless I find me a shawl.

28) my hair. We may have our ups and downs, but i love it.

29) Curling iron. Is to hair as whip is to donkey

30) Hair spray….Lots and lots

31) PERFUME ZOMG!!! I LIKE TO STANK PRETTY! EVEN IF IT’S JUST FOR ME!!

32) Hugs. They make me warm inside

33) Cadbury fruit ‘n nut chocolate bars….^^

34) Mo-Tab. Sundays=epically awesome when I listen to Mo-tab.

35) Leonard Cohen. While others hear depressed, melancholy lyrics, I hear fundamental principals contained in life and the world. And it kicks start the ramble factor in my brain. It’s fantastic. Like , it’s brilliant. How can you not love that? Yeah yeah, kinda bad. But that is Cohen. He just brushes over being bad and that is fantastic. Not like music nowadays where it’s just explicitly bad. He knows the bad is there, he acknowledges it, but he does not obsess over it and he melds it into his larger picture of beauty. Because the human is flawed with bad, yet it is still beautiful, and in your appreciation of the beauty, sometimes you have to accept the flaws of it within.

36) My other Leonard, Nimoy. Insightful, inspiring, attractive during his Star Trek hey-days, his photography is amazing and gives me hope.

37) Coldplay  We’re having a love/hate relationship. They bring back good memories, but those memories make me sad because things have changed so much and I’m not sure if there will ever be a time where we’re back at the point of making memories as awesome as those and that scares me.

38) songs that are so beautiful they make me cry

39) meditation. I don’t do it as often as I should cause I get distracted VERY easily. But it’s like…Prayer, without words. Like holding hands with someone but not speaking. It’s just…good. What’s even better is having someone else speaking and going into a meditative state (ie. blessings, meditative CDs, etc)

40) Hunger. I find it to be a fascinating feeling

41) bread…oh my gursh I love bread. I’m sure if I forsake bread, I’d be thinner-ish. But fresh bread is my downfall *is currently eating a fresh bun*

42) Space. It’s basically my favourite thing. Ever. It’s spectacularly amazing

43) 

The idea that ‘everything will be alright’…I’m putting a lot of trust in that and if it’s not, I dunno what I’ll do. Something tells me everything will be alright, but still, it’s a crazy notion to assume.

44) Walking through Summer Thunderstorms, rainbows and epic sunlight included. Or late night ones at about 1am in unity and walking barefoot to the otherside of town and back again. I feel like a Hobbit. I also enjoy imagining what type of person would or will one day join m on those walks

45) Riding horses. It’s something I’ve loved since…Forever.

46) A good book, a dog, hot chocolate, a cold rainstorm outside and a big puffy blanket. With some Leonard Cohen for good measure.

47) That feeling when I’m laying around aimlessly and then the sun shines really nicely and I realize ‘hey, it’s nice outside. I’m wasting my life in here. I need to get out.’ But there’s nothing I can do really by myself because I’m alone, with limited funds and transportation, so instead I go for a walk and examine little things I don’t normally pick up on. Or go sit in the park and people watch.

48) Art. I’m not exceptionally good at it, I want to learn more but I again lack funds. Still, I enjoy what I can do. It calms me and gives me a great sense of pride when I finish something

49) Those moments when I can say ‘Laus Deus’ because everything is just so amazing.

50) God…Nuff said

There. exceptionally random, but I enjoyed it