My adventure in becoming a [Good] Mormon

Archive for December, 2010

101 things-stolen from an FB friend

  1. I’m doing this because watching TV feels like I’m sulking on new years
  2. I rearranged my room and I love it.
  3. But because I always feel like I’m wasting time in my room, I don’t like to stay in there, even though it’s uber cool now
  4. I get too into video games and then get easily scared (ie. any FPS (especially bioshock), tomb raider). So I go months without playing my favourite games until I build up my courage again.
  5. It seems in games where it’s possible, I often unintentionally and unknowingly have sex
  6. I’m feeling like I’m going to throw up, but thankfully haven’t yet. I think it’s cause I’ve eaten nothing but fruit, chocolate, egg nog and a bagel
  7. When singing alone, I rarely sing like a girl, I sing like a man. Ex. Leonard Cohen in his younger days: I can kinda sing that low.
  8. I love to dance sporadically (and when I’m alone) and it usually consists of high speed flailing
  9. I am very self conscious when I dance in public. It’s one of the few times where I feel fat
  10. I am in an emotional knot, dreadfully confused and unsure of many important things in my life. It terrifies me
  11. I’ve tried to write 3 different novels and kept getting lost in my plot, so I gave up.
  12. I like writing poetry
  13. I’m going to u of c for anthropology and archaeology.
  14. It’s unlikely that my job, if I get one, in those sectors will be high paying
  15. I’m ok with not being rich because of ^. With archaeology, when I travel, I plan on doing humanitarian work there too, so I think I’ll be ok (it works out in my head)
  16. My dream job is an astronaut. I’m too short/blind though.
  17. My completely unfeasible dream job is a cargo ship captain…In space. If that ever is possible, you will never hear from me again, or rarely, because I will be off in space, delivering cargo to far away civilizations
  18. I cry when I’m happy, overly excited, angry, frustrated, overly worried, nostalgic…uh…angsty I believe is the word….Basically, I cry lots. But you won’t see it usually
  19. Sometimes, when there’s a lot on my mind, I just sit at the computer desk, stare at my star trek poster and listen to music
  20. I wish I had more talent in the creative areas that I enjoy.
  21. I want to go through a black hole. Not to kill myself, I don’t want to commit suicide, but that is how I want to die.
  22. I suck at speaking my mind, I can write it way better
  23. I don’t often speak my mind for fear of crying. And there are….about 6 people who I can’t, for whatever reason, cry in front of. It confuses me
  24. I tend to have an overly optimistic, overly imaginative frame of mind. It’s probably gonna end up hurting me in the end
  25. I think John Lennon was extraordinarily good looking
  26. As was Leonard Nimoy
  27. I tend to like older men….Let’s not get into how much older though 😉
  28. I have, at points long ago, considered becoming anorexic and cutting myself. But that was ages ago. Now I’m too darn optimistic LOL
  29. I really enjoy fasting. Except for stomach grumbles
  30. Religiously, I have a ‘base’ religion (Mormonism) with a ton of add-ons (evolution theories, not pangea but the theory where the world is alive, noetic science/holistic stuff, other religious ideals etc). it makes sense in my head but there’s no way I could ever fully explain it XD
  31. I love reading well written fan fiction
  32. I think relationships are overrated and people make too big of a deal over having a significant other
  33. I like non-sensical songs and songs in other languages
  34. Talking about the circulation system and doing full animal dissections makes me sick…But just body parts are cool to dissect
  35. Nothing makes me angrier than animal and child abuse
  36. Cats on catnip=funniest thing ever
  37. I want to live in Ireland and Lithuania
  38. I can also sing like Lennon in Twist and Shout XD
  39. I overuse XD
  40. I’m scared of losing any of my friends. Ever
  41. I’m scared of the dark, walking home alone at night and being home alone at night
  42. I’m out of facts, but then saw 42 and LOL’d
  43. I love church. I would spend time there every day if possible
  44. I’m really shy. Me being loud around people I don’t know is an attempt to avoid shyness
  45. I decided today I wasted my youth by not rebelling at least once
  46. biting my lip/cheek makes me angry
  47. I plan on going on a mission when I’m 21
  48. I get into arguments way too easily
  49. I’m reeeeally tired currently
  50. When I’m really annoyed with people, I like have a 2+ hour bath and reading while listening to Leonard Cohen
  51. I’m probably too open with people
  52. On occasion, when I find a tv show/movie I absolutely love, I will watch it daily. Ex: Moulin Rouge, Star Trek (I watched ‘First Contact’ almost every day for a month), V for Vendetta
  53. I hate painting my fingernails. But painting my toenails is ok
  54. I wear my pajamas 24/7 at home. It’s not that I’m lazy, I just feel uncomfortable in anything not 3 sizes too big for me
  55. If not morally restrained, I probably wouldn’t have an issue being a nudist
  56. Which makes me laugh because I’m self conscious when dancing
  57. I hate having dry hands
  58. I enjoy cuddling people. Not in a relationship type way, I just like being close to my friends
  59. That’s probably a huge factor into why I love church so much
  60. I like to try to help people solve their problems, even though I seem to fail at solving my own
  61. Not that I’m nosy, but I love learning about everyones life
  62. I never really was upset over learning Santa wasn’t real
  63. But i’m 99% certain when Santa came to my house, he was my current Bishop. which makes me laugh
  64. One of my new years resolutions is to foster a child or something similar
  65. I looooove juice…And bubble tea ^^
  66. Another resolution:too not be so pushy with everyone and just go with the flow
  67. On the anniversary of my baptism, my mom said she’d rent a nice car and take me to the Temple. I’m excited
  68. I wanna take one of those ‘find-yourself’ road trips with a friend
  69. i’d probably end up more confused though
  70. Becoming Mormon is the best choice I ever made.
  71. Despite common belief, I have only ever found one of my teachers attractive and that was a while back
  72. I wish I had taken an extracurricular activity in elementary and stuck with it.
  73. Outside of school and church, I have no clue how to go about making friends…Even in church at points. It scares me
  74. I’d like to get into photography, sculpting, glass blowing, artistic metal working and jewelry making.
  75. I use songs to help figure out how I’m feeling. This is the current emotion: sadly happy XD
  76. Things that embarrassed me years ago still pop up to annoy me on occasion. I hate it
  77. The best days of my life were at band camp, my baptism and the Temple.
  78. I’m a completely hopeless romantic
  79. I like to dress nice and do my hair prettily. Not cause I want to impress anyone, it just makes me happy
  80. I’m dancing to this at my wedding:
  81. When I say someone is good looking, it 99% of the time doesn’t mean that I want to be in a relationship with them. The way I see it, it’s like they’re like a nice piece of art, but you would never purchase it to hang in your house
  82. I would love to be able to write like Leonard Cohen
  83. I want to try singing publicly, ie. Talent show, choir, etc…But I’m too chicken
  84. I’m out of juice…I’ll probably finish this jug by tonight
  85. I trust people too easily and forgive them even easier. Yet no one has back-stabbed me…Well, except one, long ago.
  86. I feel old
  87. I like to walk. Everywhere
  88. I have scars on my left shin, right ankle, the underside of my left arm and all over my hands
  89. When I was little, i was convinced I could tell time by the freckle on my wrist. And that a wallet sized photo of myself was my driver’s license
  90. I think I’m a jerk to most people
  91. But people say otherwise
  92. I don’t particularly like junk food (chips, etc) but I really love chocolate in small amounts
  93. I sleep talk and will sleep walk if anything star trek or phantom of the opera related comes on the tv/stereo. Don’t ask me why
  94. I like to cook/bake but often lack the motivation/creativity/ingredients to do so
  95. Secretly, I love horses. But I don’t express it often because I think it makes me look like a loser (and star trek doesn’t? LOL)
  96. If it wasn’t so expensive, i would dress in a steampunk style every day. Goggles and all
  97. As much as I love space and such, the stereotypical grey aliens terrify me. I really hope they don’t look like that.
  98. I like to read scientific stuff that I just barely have a tiny bit of knowledge on ex. Particle physics, noetic science, space in general, m theory, string theory etc
  99. I love to shop online
  100. Shopping in public makes me nervous, especially clothes shopping with anyone but family. The one time I went shopping with a friend, i stuck him on the guy’s side and avoided him till I bought my stuff LOL. Otherwise, I will browse, find what I like, make a note of it and come back alone or with family
  101. I use music as themes for everything. You can pick almost any song off my playlists on youtube and they have a meaning attached



For the year of 2010

——- Hαve You ——-


.. Had a girlfriend/boyfriend: no


.. Had your birthday: Yes


.. Been to church: almost every sunday from the beginning of april


.. Had someone close to you pass away: No


.. Pulled an all nighter: a couple


.. Drank Tim Horton Soup: No


.. Gone to the movies: Yes


.. Who was it with: Oooh, let’s see…Star trek with TK, avatar with kat, nancy, corey then again with hank, ethan, kira, becca, harry potter with madison and meghan, the hangover…twice…with char Toy story 3 with raeanne, louisa and connor and the new narnia with daniel (yeah, I hardly ever see movies)


.. Been to the beach: yep. the ocean was very cold


.. Met someone new: Yes


.. Been out of your home town: Yes


.. Done something crazy: ….I think so


.. Thought about moving: Yes



——- In The Past Month ——-


.. Kissed someone: no


.. Slept in someone else’s bed: guest bed?


.. Snuck someone over: No


.. Snuck out of your own house: No


.. Been to a bar: No


.. Been Bullied: No


.. Drove somewhere: a bit in saskatchewan


.. Done something you regret: i’m not sure if I do regret it or not


.. Drank alcohol: nope



——- Last ——-


.. Person you hugged: group hug of nieces and nephew


.. Person to call you: mom


.. Person who messαged you: madison


.. Time you took a bubble bath: september


.. Time you felt stupid: too often


.. Person who saw you cry: dunno


.. Person who made you cry: someone important to me, but they don’t know that they caused it because it was at like 4 in the morning


.. Person you yelled at: mom


.. Friend(s) you miss: all of them


.. Thing you did yesterday: watched movies and shopped with sisters



1) Can you take this without deleting any questions?

i’m doing it now


2) What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed?

the non-existent one? it’s one big game of hide and seek currently and dang, he’s a good hider


3) What was your worst mistake in your life?

there are so many little insignificant ones…but I guess not converting earlier would be the biggest. do you know how much personal progress stuff I gotta do before next november? tons. like, uber hours


oi! where’s 4?


5) What’s something you really want right now, be honest:

To be given a second chance seeing as I completely screwed everything over the first time by being too forward


6) Last time you had butterflies in your stomach?

butterflies are such a broad, all-encompassing term. When someone important said ‘I need to talk to you about something”….But the butterflies got crushed by a weight dropping into the pit of my stomach


7) Does anything on your body hurt right now?

My upper  back


8) Who was the last person to disappoint you?

those closest to me


9) Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

I have too many of those, don’t remember


10) What are you listening to?

Leonard Cohen-How to speak poetry (oh my gursh I love his voice)


11) Whats a quote from a song that you are listening?

Cohen hardly ever sings so…”Avoid the flourish. Do not be afraid to be weak. Do not be ashamed to be tired. You look good when you’re tired. You look like you could go on forever. Now come into my arms. You are the image of my beauty.”


12) Have you ever punched a hole in a wall?

uhm…well, does elbowing one count?


13) Do you know someone in jail?

I don’t think i can claim to know them. I have met them and have distant memories of them.


14) What about in DGA?

What’s a DGA?


15) Where were you at 2:00am?

Lying in bed staring at the ceiling debating if I should get on my knees to say something i forgot or if it was ok to say it while lying down


16) Who did you copy this from?



17) How do you know them

Elementary (my dear Watson!!)


18) Do you wear glasses?



19) Anywhere you’d rather be right now?

‘In your arms’ aren’t I corny? yes, I’m listening to a song XD


20) Are you going anywhere for the next summer?

Saskatchewan. Maybe I can pack myself along to Michigan. Very unlikely (ie, not gonna happen) California


21) Do you have plans today?

Write Christmas cards, wrap package


22) Waiting for someone to call?



23) Will you call them if they don’t call?

No, he’s real busy. I’ll see him on tuesday


24) What’s a fact about the last person who had their arms around you?

As in a hug? My nephew is the only one I know who ever lifts me up when he gives me a hug…Mind you, no one else tries


25) Where did you get the shirt you are wearing?

Aunt brought it from Mexico for me


26) Do you know anyone that smokes weed?



27) How was your day today?

A rollercoaster


28) Have you ever kissed a stranger? If so, how did it happen?

I think I would like to try that. Just to see their reaction


29) Do your parents force you to go to church or let you make the decision?

I choose to


30) When it comes to the opposite sex what is your type?

Geeky ^_^. Just generally adorable with a wacky sense of humor is good for me


31) Can you do splits?

I haven’t tried in ages, but probably


32 Is gone!!!:'(


33) Does anyone love you?

Gah, who knows anymore. I can’t gauge peoples perceptions of me to save my life


34) How has the week been?

Quite good


35) Do you curse in front of your parents?

*ahem*….I’m working on that


36) Are you slowly drifting away from someone?

I don’t know anymore. I thought we were, then it was stated as such, then it seemed to not be that way, now it does *facedesk*


37) What girl/boy can you tell everything to?



38) Have you ever kissed anyone who’s name started with an F?



39) When a friend walks out of your life, do you go after them or let them go?

I pushed the last two away, but any of my current ones I would hunt down and capture if need be


40) Have you ever fallen asleep in someones arms?



41) Do you still talk to the last person you kissed?

yes I would, the non-existent one has the potential for future conversation


42) Does anyone hate you?



43) Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

I debated this a bit before now and considering I want one, everyone else should get one


my wedding song

So I’ve decided now on both my funeral and wedding songs now ^^

*bounce bounce*

I is happy Cass.

Cause I got a nice TV for my room for Christmas.

I had a mashed potato fight

In….2 days over a week, I will get to see one of my missionaries again, cause he’s going home, yay!!/=(.

After like….7 months I talked to said missionary

I just spent an hour and a 1/2 drive daydreaming about happy stuff, for once.

I realized why I looooove stargazing…It may sound corny, but to me, each star is like a hole in the veil that lets me glimpse eternity

While stargazing with binoculars, I happened upon an absolutely amazing cluster of giant blue stars (due to closeness/color, I’m assuming it’s a nebula or was one at some point in eternity), that actually made me exclaim ‘Holy Toledo!!’ and mash my face into the binoculars.

Keep trying, hold on, and always, always, always believe in yourself, because if you don’t, then who will, sweetie? So keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life’s a beautiful thing and there’s so much to smile about.”
— Marilyn Monroe

I think it’s Optimism’s fault. Or maybe that’s False Hope talking XD

Spoke too soon!

Well, after an hour’s flurry of checking buses and flights, things have been rearranged so Char can come here. It was unlikely at first, but considering she has CRAPLOADS of food (ex. 5 gigantic aluminum trays of baked goods), it would all go to waste if she didn’t. Plus, it’s cheaper for her to drive here than me to fly there.

Now begins the frenzied grocery shopping and cooking!

Maybe this was a blessing in disguise, I felt really bad leaving my  mum home alone.

Well my Christmas just flew out the window….

So I was supposed to go to Saskatchewan to visit my sister, Char. I was going with my sister Cris. Then last night, the brakes on their van go…Which isn’t too much of a problem for our trip, we can just take their truck.

Then this morning, they end up taking my niece to the Children’s hospital because she’s vomiting non-stop. Turns out she has some crazy virus. So they had to go home with her and put her on some meds. Now we definitely aren’t going.

And, my backup plan of flying there won’t work because flights are insanely priced.

My mom and I didn’t buy any stuff for Christmas dinner because we assumed no one was gonna be here. No family is coming in and our tree isn’t even decorated because we’ve been too busy. I have no further backup plans, I hope someone else in my family does…

And nope, can’t bus there either

How to be alone

“HOW TO BE ALONE by Tanya Davis

If you are at first lonely, be patient. If you’ve not been alone much, or if when you were, you weren’t okay with it, then just wait. You’ll find it’s fine to be alone once you’re embracing it.

We could start with the acceptable places, the bathroom, the coffee shop, the library. Where you can stall and read the paper, where you can get your caffeine fix and sit and stay there. Where you can browse the stacks and smell the books. You’re not supposed to talk much anyway so it’s safe there.

There’s also the gym. If you’re shy you could hang out with yourself in mirrors, you could put headphones in (guitar stroke).

And there’s public transportation, because we all gotta go places.

And there’s prayer and meditation. No one will think less if you’re hanging with your breath seeking peace and salvation.

Start simple. Things you may have previously (electric guitar plucking) based on your avoid being alone principals.

The lunch counter. Where you will be surrounded by chow-downers. Employees who only have an hour and their spouses work across town and so they — like you — will be alone.

Resist the urge to hang out with your cell phone.

When you are comfortable with eat lunch and run, take yourself out for dinner. A restaurant with linen and silverware. You’re no less intriguing a person when you’re eating solo dessert to cleaning the whipped cream from the dish with your finger. In fact some people at full tables will wish they were where you were.

Go to the movies. Where it is dark and soothing. Alone in your seat amidst a fleeting community.
And then, take yourself out dancing to a club where no one knows you. Stand on the outside of the floor till the lights convince you more and more and the music shows you. Dance like no one’s watching…because, they’re probably not. And, if they are, assume it is with best of human intentions. The way bodies move genuinely to beats is, after all, gorgeous and affecting. Dance until you’re sweating, and beads of perspiration remind you of life’s best things, down your back like a brook of blessings.

Go to the woods alone, and the trees and squirrels will watch for you.
Go to an unfamiliar city, roam the streets, there’re always statues to talk to and benches made for sitting give strangers a shared existence if only for a minute and these moments can be so uplifting and the conversations you get in by sitting alone on benches might’ve never happened had you not been there by yourself

Society is afraid of alonedom, like lonely hearts are wasting away in basements, like people must have problems if, after a while, nobody is dating them. but lonely is a freedom that breaths easy and weightless and lonely is healing if you make it.

You could stand, swathed by groups and mobs or hold hands with your partner, look both further and farther for the endless quest for company. But no one’s in your head and by the time you translate your thoughts, some essence of them may be lost or perhaps it is just kept.

Perhaps in the interest of loving oneself, perhaps all those sappy slogans from preschool over to high school’s groaning were tokens for holding the lonely at bay. Cuz if you’re happy in your head than solitude is blessed and alone is okay.

It’s okay if no one believes like you. All experience is unique, no one has the same synapses, can’t think like you, for this be releived, keeps things interesting lifes magic things in reach.

And it doesn’t mean you’re not connected, that communitie’s not present, just take the perspective you get from being one person in one head and feel the effects of it. take silence and respect it. if you have an art that needs a practice, stop neglecting it. if your family doesn’t get you, or religious sect is not meant for you, don’t obsess about it.

you could be in an instant surrounded if you needed it
If your heart is bleeding make the best of it
There is heat in freezing, be a testament.”

Very Leonard Cohen-esque. But not as super melancholy.

I’m going to Saskatchewan tomorrow. In those six hours, I am going to attempt to write something. Hopefully similar to that, but very likely not.

I did write something today. I was out for dinner with my mom and grandparents. It’s always fascinated me how transparent old people skin is.

“Tracks of blue

Weave ‘cross the plains,

white as snow.

Rivers of life

That keep her going.

Don’t slow the flow.”

I got to sit in a pub today while out for dinner. People are more fascinating there. I enjoy watching beer be poured, it’s intriguing.

Cute quote from a facebook page:

“You fight like a married couple, you talk like best friends, you flirt like first loves, and protect each other like brother and sister, obviously its meant to be.”

I got a new hat today. I luuuurve it ^_^